The nation of America is facing a number of issues right now, one of which is the issue of whether to, ‘permit,’ gay, lesbian, and transgendered couples (GLTB) to marry. As a C.N.A., I assisted so many fellow people with disabilities; some of whom identified themselves with the gay community. Did it ever bother me somehow? No, why should it have? I have some news for my family members and friends, and I don’t quite know how to tell them; grin…

I am *not* gay; smile. All of the focus on rights for the gay community is a wonderful thing in my eyes. There is something about it that troubles me though. Every single one of the people with disabilities that I helped out as a C.N.A. over the twenty-four years I did that kind of work, before my knees gave out due to osteoarthritis, who identified with the gay/lesbian community, were highly-supportive of the rights of people with disabilities as well. All of their friends who were either gay or lesbian and did not experience a form of disability were equally supportive of disability rights too.

One of the people I took care of was a very dear friend named Ray, who became more of a father to me than anything. He had a partner named David, and as I provided care for Ray over the years, I respected the privacy of Ray and David as I would any straight couple. Ray ended up dying from oat-cell lung cancer, and I was there to the very end, even while he was in the hospital with a morphine drip. After he died, I cleaned out his apartment; David couldn’t bear to – I understood. I spread Ray’s ashes in a natural environment near a type of tree that he loved most.

The reason I mention all of this in relation to marriage is because if people who identify with the gay/lesbian community were able to at least marry as a civil union in every state in this nation, it would be a positive change. The love Ray and David had for each other lasted for longer than I can remember; at least eighteen years. David held down jobs and paid taxes; Ray had been an English teacher.

Last night, Wendy and I went to Guissepe’s Restaurant to celebrate our first legally-married anniversary, although we have been together for several years now. I am a person with a number of disabilities, to include epilepsy, diabetes, and osteoarthritis. Wendy is someone who has survived kidney cancer; she also has arthritis and plantar fasciitis. In other words, by anyone’s definition we are both people with disabilities. When we first got together we were unsure if we could get married or not – the, ‘rules,’ associated with SSDI and marriage were not clear to either of us, and Wendy is still working as a nurse.

We enjoyed our calzones, followed by a monster piece of thick and rich chocolate cake for two that can only be described as, ‘chocolate disaster.’ Wendy has never looked more beautiful to me. The thought crossed my mind that people who are on the SSI program cannot get married, at least without being financially penalized. In other words, the federal government is punishing people on SSI, taking away their right as people with disabilities in relation to marriage through financial punishment.

The nation of America often expects minority groups to, ‘get out there and fight for your rights.’ People with disabilities (the term should say it all) often experience conditions that prevent us from doing just that. The effect this may have (tre’ pardon, ADAPT) is often one of making us seem as if we somehow do not want to fight for our rights – WRONG. We are America’s largest minority.

I understand the desire for a particular group in this nation to pursue their specific needs and rights. Yet I have to wonder where the friendship that I witnessed over the years on the parts of members of the gay and lesbian community in relation to people with disabilities has gone. I am not somehow suggesting that other groups in this nation should pursue a, ‘charity model,’ and fight for the rights of people with disabilities out of the thing we hate most – pity (yuck). I do suggest; however, that *as* people with disabilities, we are a part of every other minority group in this nation – your rights *are* our rights. Statements about you must necessarily include statements about people with disabilities.

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

So – while Wendy and I enjoy our first year of legal marriage, and our many-ieth year together, these are the thoughts that have crossed my mind the following morning as I drink coffee. As you can tell, the medical model of disability is extremely outdated. The social issues related to disability are many, and a social model of disability is desperately needed in America. Respect for one another must prevail.

Tom.